If you’re a female, chances are you have been in this situation. You know that dress/pants/shirt that you do fit into, but not exactly. Like you can put it on and zip it and if you stand perfectly still on an empty stomach in front of the mirror at home, you think ‘yup, this is fine. This will definitely work, I wonder why I don’t wear this more often.’ I’ll tell you why. Because chances are as a human being you don’t just stand still all day, you move! More importantly you sit. And when you do, you feel your ribcage pushing against that piece of garment, pulling it apart at the seams, and silently yelling at you ‘what the hell were you thinking?’ And you’re like ‘I totally skipped dinner last night, and did 10 sit ups. This world is cruel and unjust…and I think I’ll suffocate by the day’s end.’ That’s what I’m wearing right now. And I got distracted by these thoughts as I was getting ready to tell you about my weekend. So, I apologize in advance if this post will be laced with hints of pain and suffering.
Anyway, this past weekend was actually great. Arguably, torture dress I decided to put on today is the payback. Universal balance must be maintained (said somebody in Matrix, or some other movie, or not at all (I am not a reliable movie references source today)).
Speaking of movies, on a Saturday I went to see The Martian. And it was better than I expected. I watched it in the movie theater and in 3D, and it’s one of those movies that you would want to watch in 3D because they’re showing you Mars! Which is probably some type of Mojave Desert, but still (no, I did not research where they actually filmed it, because who cares anyway). What else to tell you. I had popcorn while I was there. But seriously, while the movie is not exactly life-shattering, it’s a nice reminder of how awesome we are as human species, and how sometimes dumbest of us manage to survive regardless of the conditions that seem to be telling them ‘die, motherf***er, die.’ I might be interpreting this wrong.
Then on a Sunday, I went to the Sleepy Hollow village in upstate New York. Because it has a nice cemetery. It’s also just a nice place to visit and is actually famous because of Washington Irving who wrote The Legend of Sleepy Hollow short story, with the Headless Horseman as its fictional character. And if that doesn’t ring any bells…chances are you don’t have any, or they have rusted away. That’s a world classic, people.
And cemetery is there, conveniently called Sleepy Hollow Cemetery. It’s large, and old, and all the dead people aside, is a nice place for a walk on a sunny, fall day. It was also a place, where this kick-ass picture of me was taken.
I could tell you that this was such a great accident, and it was all spur of the moment, and who would have thought…but it was me who thought about it. In fact, I had that outfit planned since Friday. I had some practiced poses ready as well. Like here.
What can I say, I’m a natural. That is if you give me enough time to prepare and practice.
Photo credits to @twisted_mind. Find him on Instagram, and it’s safe to assume if you beg enough (or pay, there’s that option) he’ll take photos of you too.
P.S. If anybody knows any good prayers against suffocation from you own dress, do share.