The story of Thanksgiving decoded

Firstly Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Let’s get that off the chest. Or as my dad likes to call it Happy Sexgiving. I did just use word dad and sex in the same sentence and somehow my mental health is mostly intact. In all fairness, he does so to be funny and clever. And it probably was clever and funny the first time around. But we’ve been living in America for 10 plus years, and celebrating Thanksgiving/Sexgiving the same amount of time, so this joke mostly gets on our nerves now.


I have mixed feelings about holidays. Mostly because there are a lot of things you’re supposed to do, and a lot of times nobody remembers why exactly, and just call it a tradition. And I’ve always had an issue with following directions, especially the ones of unknown origin.


Like for example why turkey? And I have a theory: most likely a long time ago turkey overpopulation crisis happened (let’s call it turkey zombie apocalypses, just because), people killed off a bunch of them (because real problems get solved with guns), and then nobody would eat them (because let’s be honest people, that meat is tough no matter what you do). And then somebody went ‘I know, let’s make it a Holiday, give it a catchy name, and throw in a reference to Native-Americans because that’s just good publicity.’ And the tradition was born.


The holiday fever continued and the list of food-nobody-needs-in-their-life kept piling up. Next in line were sweet potatoes. The following dialogue probably happened ‘hey, what are we supposed to do with all these potatoes that are not actually potatoes?’ And then somebody clever responded ‘hey, remember that guy that came up with a Holiday to make people eat that chicken that’s not actually chicken, let’s give him a ring.’ Arguably, telephones didn’t exist yet so it could have been bird mail, or a fax, I haven’t done much research on this.


And then pumpkin and squash were like ‘did you hear about that party that doesn’t have face control, turkey and sweet potatoes are doing it, we could totally get in on that one.’ Because apparently they could talk and have a conversation with some arguably valid points. So, those two just sort of invited themselves.


And then cranberry sauce was an old friend of turkey stuffing because the two of them used to exist only in myths, children’s’ nightmares, and folklore of unknown people. But then Thanksgiving happened and both of them materialized, and vowed to make an annual appearance in the households of people who are not actually happy to see them, but are polite enough to pretend. Because all together it’s called tradition.


Modern Thanksgiving is even better because it truly gives you a break from all social media. There is absolutely no point in checking your Facebook, it will all be pictures of turkeys from various angles, and the only ones that catch your eye are the ugliest ones, because those make you laugh.


So be thankful, celebrate, and follow tradition because that turkey depends on you. And Native-Americans. Somehow, they’re in the picture.


P.S. Surprise!



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