So, the other day I went to wash my car for the first time. I’ve been through the process before, but never behind the wheel. And I had to do this because my car has been through a generous banquet of bird shit. Meaning, it looked like a good number of birds got together, had a party, and choose my car as their hate object. Somebody needs to tell those birds that’s not cool. Anyway, it was bad to the point that I could hardly see through my back window (and wouldn’t know if somebody was following me or not, because that could happen). And I came up with an easy fix. Took my Windex bottle from home, some paper towels and viola – the problem was fixed. Which did not happen, because apparently Windex only leaves huge, white residue marks all over your windows. Which in return look like you’ve been trying to tint your car windows with chalk, and some help from a toddler. So unless you’re going for that look, don’t wash your car windows with Windex (and I vote for Windex to have such disclaimer on their bottles).
I gave up, admitted that I need some professional help, and to the car wash I went. On the way there, I felt unreasonably nervous because I was almost completely sure I’ll get stuck in that washing thing, will try to get out and save my life, and will get beaten to death by the giant car wash brushes.
Why exactly I had this image in my head I couldn’t tell you, but my heart was racing as I got there. Another moment I was sure I will mess up, is the point when you need to put your car on neutral, and have it get towed through the whole process by this special machine they have. I was convinced I’ll miss the RIGHT moment and accidentally run somebody over. I didn’t. Probably because they had about five brightly colored and vividly explicit signs with directions, on top of a worker who waved and yelled the same directions at me. And…and nothing. It went fine, my car is clean.
Inspired by this victory, I decided to stop at a hardware store. Because my bathroom sink has been clogged for a while and brushing teeth required some complex maneuvering – water on, water off, wait a little bit, water on again, but not for too long. And I think I was getting used to this process, but decided this is not a way to live for a lady. I went into a hardware store and informed the store clerk that I needed help with my clogged sink. To which, the sneaky store clerk said ‘well, how clogged is your sink’. I recognized somewhat of a duplicity in our conversation, but with a determined expression admitted that it’s not completely clogged, only partially. To which he handed me a bottle of liquid and advised to read directions, which I did, and which went like this: ‘open the bottle, pour, throw away, and for f**k’s sake don’t try to lick it’ (that last piece I added in my head).
So, I officially declare car washes safe, and hardware store clerks super helpful when it comes to clogged sinks *wink, wink*.
P.S. Feel free to share your recent victorious deed in the comments section.