RIP sandal

So, I woke up this morning and everything was relatively fine. I had a good amount of sleep, I felt fairly rested, even with a flair of acceptance for Monday and the rest of shitty humanity.


But then my sandal ripped. I was walking from a copy machine on CARPET flooring, and just heard a ripping sound, and it was my sandal. It just decided to give up on me. I wasn’t jogging in my sandals, or climbing fucking trees, wasn’t even walking that fast, and it just decided it had enough of my feet. Arguably being a foot hugger all our life is a tough job, but that’s what you were born to do, sandal. Did you decide to change your destiny and become an entrepreneur or something?  Also, don’t answer that. Because frankly I’m not interested.


And so then my mood immediately turned to shit. And everything around me became just another reason to be irritated about. (yes, because of a sandal).


I had to now go across the street and buy at least a pair of flip flops. So now my lunch was ruined, even though I really had no other special plans for lunch. It was still ruined beyond repair. Person getting coffee is front of me in Starbucks was buying gift cards and taking waaay too long. Because you don’t buy gift cards in a coffee shop, you buy coffee. I don’t care what you say, Starbucks. I was gone for a complete 30 min and came back to a blinking voicemail light. I get hardly any calls per day, and someone managed out of my 8 hour workday, with a probability of 6.25% to call me during the time I’m not at my desk. And leave a voicemail. I hate voice mails. Even on normal, non-sandal-ripping days, I hate voice mails. Then all of a sudden, it became too hot in the air-conditioned office I usually freeze in. They were messing with me. On purpose. Every person around me turned into a hostile object, because chances are their sandals were intact. Also, they were probably all laughing about my ripped sandal. How am I supposed to know why, because they’re assholes? Also, why is this one person always sends these long-ass emails. Like seriously today is the day I’m going to say something ‘everyone hates yours long-ass email, Sharon.’


Then my mom called. So I complained to my mom about the sandal. And that helped a little. Be kind to your parents. They’re the only ones who’ll actually listen to shit like this.


And then I put my new flip flops on. And my mood was still shit, but at least I had that new dress also. You know, the one I bought along with flip flops. Because who buys JUST flips flops in a store that also has descent dresses. People who have control over their impulse purchases, I guess.


And I might be able to survive this.


RIP sandal.

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