Police stole my friend, and I’m naming my sandwich Satan (don’t be alarmed by this title, it’s mostly friendly)

Well, quite a weekend I had. From criminal activity to acapella music within a scope of 48h. Maybe I should start doing webinars, and workshop classes on ‘How to have weird shit happen in your life, and get used to it. Most of the time. (except that one time when I totally freaked, which is not a good example to talk about in my workshop, which I’ll probably just lie about).

 

This seriously happened. I was woken up on Saturday morning by a call telling me one of my really close friends went missing since Friday 7 pm. She didn’t come home, nobody else saw her, and her phone was dead. So naturally I went into a full blown panic mode, which included twitching uncontrollably and not in a pretty way, yelling at the person who called me for no reason, checking my phone repeatedly for unknown information, and replaying our last conversations for any hints of ‘I’m running off with this hot guy’ or ‘I’m pregnant, I’m going back to mom’ or ‘I think I’ll just lay low in Cuba for a while’. There was nothing. All my mind was readily  supplying was various scenes of rape and murder, which needless to say, was not fucking helpful at all, brain. So then shortly after, her boyfriend got an automated call from Westchester County Jail, and it was one of those ‘are you willing to pay for this jailed friend of yours’. He was willing to pay but the system didn’t work or whatever. So he just set off driving to the Westchester County Jail address we googled.

 

So now we knew that she’s alive and not in a hospital (I was going to write alive and well, but I don’t think being in jail falls within the ‘well’ spectrum). A perfectly average white female, who went to work Friday, found herself in jail on Saturday. So, all I could think about was ‘what the hell happened?’. You might remember that not long ago I had Police Steal my Car, and now they were stealing my friends. What the fuck, police? I think this is like completely the opposite of how the whole police system should work.

 

While her boyfriend drove to the scene, I decided to get on the phone and find out some more information. I am pleased to tell you that Westchester County Jail automated phone system is super-efficient and easy to use. Within minutes of pressing 1, then 3, then 1, then dialing her last time using a touch tone phone keypad, I had her booking number. After a few more short minutes of hold time, I was speaking to a very pleasant phone representative, who confirmed for me the address of my jailed friend AND asked me if you’d like to sign up for free text message updates, in case they transfer her to a different facility. I politely refused from the free text message updates, but when she ended the conversation with ‘is there anything else I could help you with today?’ I had to answer ‘No thank you, those are all jailed friends I have for today’.

 

Long story short, we got her out. And there was nothing criminal on her part, and the whole situation is probably more stupid than anything else, but I can’t give you details due to legality of the matter. Maybe later. As soon as they give me a clear, I’m telling you all about it. We are ought to stop this police stealing epidemic. Bring awareness, spread rumors, print t-shirts.

 

Sunday we had previously arranged plans with my special other to visit the Noguchi Museum, to see an exhibition of this Japanese-American sculptor. Because my significant other has a mostly healthy obsession with anything Japanese. I just thought it would be a welcome distraction. So we went, and no regrets. If you ever find yourself in the neighborhood of Queens and suffering from anything-Japanese-obsession, do visit. This piece I found truly mesmerizing.

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Because it had ‘Satan’ written on a salt can. I mean, what? Do you know? I don’t know. I don’t think anybody knows. But can I use that on my salt cans? Also on my sandwich at work? Because then nobody’s is stealing my Satan sandwich.

 

And the day ended beautifully. We sat in a museum’s garden outside, and listened to Theo Bleckmann perform live, which was really cool. Somewhat bizarre, but mostly really cool.

 

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