On end of summer, and abusive relationships

So, I’ve been away. And now I’m not anymore.

To be honest, I’ve decided to take a break from all things blogging related, in a summer-vacation-spirit-of-things. And it was nice, it let me clear my head, come up with great ideas, and improvements, and…not really. As you might know, improvements are not really my thing. Ranting about different topics is. Also, once you’re past certain age limit your head is never clear, there is always that one thing to stress about. Or that one nagging, shitty idea. Might be just me with this last one.

I went to London on a vacation, and didn’t get the chance to write about that yet. I did a bunch of pretty interesting things. Also, after a brief stunt with the suburbs, I am looking for a new city apartment. And I’m fairly psyched about all of those things, and I have plenty to tell you. But not today. That’s not what got me back to writing, and here’s what did.

A co-worker approached me with some work stuff, and as we were discussing things I let a random ‘are you ok?’ slit. To which I got a cascade of tears. And it made me think that politeness is overrated.  It also made me listen to what she had to say. Turns out that twenty-years-something happy marriage, with an X number of children (disclosed for privacy reasons) is quite opposite of happy, and more like shitty, with the whole 9 yards of violence, insults, and abuse. And the stories just kept spilling out of her, and I just listened. This has been a long time coming. This was that last straw that undone this craft fully designed lie. A lie gradually woven over the years with self-assurance that things will get better, with social pressure to stay in that marriage, with moral obligation to the children, with family standards, and religious norms. All that had a person, whom I know to be strong, and willful, and intelligent, falling apart in pieces.

And something in my head finally clicked.

All this time, I’ve been fairly vocal in my anti-marriage, anti-children stance. If not here then I’ve definitely had my friends, and possibly a few strangers bedazzled with my fascinating ideas. And while I’m not suggesting everybody follows suit, I do think there should be more understanding towards people who chose to never grow up. Let’s call it that. While fairly happy with my life decisions thus far, I’ve had multiple and multiple episodes of questioning validity of such. And I mean like night sweats, waking up in horror questioning. All this, because most of everybody I know got married, and had children. That’s just what people do, that’s what you’re supposed to do. Then you receive your nice, little box in the society, and conveniently wake up to the conformity of everyday. Dragging your feet, but nevertheless.

Point being, people should be in a relationship because they chose to. Legal stamp or not. Also, as a finance graduate I can almost assure you, tax evasion is a lot more plausible if you don’t officially tie the knot. Ask your accountant, also do NOT reference the source. I really do feel like married couples should shut the fuck up with their weddings, and anniversaries, and rings. Because let’s be honest, wedding lasts for one day and that person stays forever. This does not sound like a fair trade exchange. If anything they should have ‘I can tolerate you for the next 5 years’ celebrations. At least, that will be a lot more believable.

As for children. I do like children. I tend to understand them better than most of the adults I know. However, the constant pressure of being responsible for somebody else’s life…I mean, why? I can almost guarantee, if most people took the time to sort through shit in their life instead of having children, we would have a lot more people with sorted shit in their lives. Also, baby Hitler would not become a tyrant, and Trump the president. This is science.

Not to make light of the situation that happened to my co-worker, but if you’re in an abusive relationship then probably stop being in it. And don’t ever feel like you HAVE to anything, there’s always a choice. Except for taxes, I’m pretty sure you’re just supposed to pay those.

Stay proud.

 

 

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One thought on “On end of summer, and abusive relationships

  1. I’m very sorry for your co-worker and I hope things get better soon. Sometimes they do get better. Sometimes they have to get worse before they get better which is one of the sucky things about the way the world works.
    And you know something else? Being a grown-up doesn’t have to mean being married and having kids. Being an adult means you live your life according to your rules, not by what someone else tells you to do. Except when they say don’t steal or kill anyone and that holding the door for someone else once in a while is nice. Generally though being an adult means you live the way you want, not how someone else tells you to live.
    Of course if you want to say you’re not grown up that’s okay too. I’m not gonna tell you what to do.
    Christopher recently posted…Swing And A Miss.My Profile

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