On color-coded kayaks, and Sunday church dances

You know what’s worse than moving? Moving on top of construction, on top of having 5 other people in the house. Because when something happens in my life, it doesn’t JUST happen, it turns into a shit storm. Liquid form, for an added gross moment. I might be exaggerating, and there are children starving in Africa, but at least they’re not moving. Lucky bastards.

Anyway, I’ve been mostly really tired. On a bright side this whole carrying things back and forth is a great exercise for shrinking your butt, and making your body look weirdly asymmetrical.  Beach body was not on my agenda this year. Nor the years prior, who am I kidding. Also friendly advise, do yourself a favor and hire professional movers. I mean, family favors are great and all, but boy do they lack in professionalism. They just treat you like they’ve known you for years, complain about heavy things, and  demand snacks and refreshments. Like seriously.

I have little to say about my new neighborhood. Or rather I have plenty to say, but none of it is good.

Like I had no idea you could fit that much blonde ladies into a given geographical perimeter.

In case you have several small children, they’re required to have color-coded kayaks.

Everybody looks healthy and tanned. It’s fucking disgusting.

Morning jogs are a prerequisite, otherwise they kick you out of Sunday church dances. Or take away your color-coded kayaks. I’m not sure which is worse.

Lawn moving is like a thing. Also, landscaping. Also, interior design. All done by hired professionals, of course. Because who has the time to do anything. Jogging is not going to jog itself, people.

I’ve seen one graffiti wall so far. I was impressed, and almost cried.

Same people will be at the cash registers in stores. And they’ll remember you. And try to small talk to you.

Streets are clean and beautiful. This part is actually kind of nice. Weirdly unfamiliar, but nice.

And I’m being somewhat unfair to the people, as most of them seem nice. I’m sure they only seem nice, but I appreciate the effort.

Also, I bet their Sunday church dances are super fun.

I have yet to find out, stay tuned.




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One thought on “On color-coded kayaks, and Sunday church dances

  1. Maybe I should become a professional mover. I’ve helped friends move and I’m always careful with their stuff and have never asked for anything in return, although I’ve always been promised pizza up front. And they’ve always made good on the promise, otherwise I’d never help them move again.
    Yeah, I’ve helped the same friend move twice.
    Also maybe it would help me develop the beach body I’ve always wanted but have always been too lazy or tired after work to do the required exercise.
    And watch out for the morning joggers. Once I was staying with my parents in their gated community and the first morning there was a guy wearing a tank top and tiny shorts jogging by and the second morning he was just wearing tiny shorts and I’m glad I didn’t see him on the third morning because I’m pretty sure he’d be out jogging naked.
    Christopher recently posted…The Next Generation.My Profile

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