It all started with me dressing in all black on Monday. I didn’t do it on purpose. I was on my way out the door, when I looked at myself in the mirror in realized that I am literally wearing all black. It was too late to change. So I figured I’ll just roll with it. Maybe I was mourning the start of another work week. Next day, I did almost the same thing. It was a bit better as I had some dark blues in my outfit, but it was still pretty dark. At this point, I imagined people at work might be intrigued. Because this is the most intriguing part of working at the office – changing dress patterns of your colleagues. By the third day, I’m thinking should I now dress all dark on purpose again? That way it looks like I’m mourning anniversary of my grandfather’s death or something. And that way my coworkers can be like ‘oh, that makes sense now’. But I didn’t. I wore a dress too. And so then I imagined them thinking ‘well, she was most definitely mourning on Monday, and possibly Tuesday, but not today? Is it like an express two-day mourning ritual? These Europeans are strange. I should start looking for another job.’ Of course maybe none of these thought processes happened at all. But it amuses me to think they did. So they’re staying.
And this week sucked balls. Like not even in a good, sexual way. And more like I need to cuddle ten kittens right now, otherwise I might stab someone way. Because here’s what happened. I work for a pretty large company and we have clients that call us. Because apparently customer service is something you’re supposed to have once you’re a large company. Take notes, people. But don’t tell my management that. They are blissfully ignorant to this concept. None of this concerns me since I work on the vendor side, with normal people. However. Recently we’ve had enough complaints of nobody answering the calls that they were forced to come up with a solution. And after zero thought process, because seriously, they decided to put some of us on the overflow assistance line. Which might sound reasonable in theory, with one tiny problem that we tried this same exact system 5 months ago, and it didn’t work.
5 months ago, as I said an overflow calls assist system was established and I was on it. Not because I fucking volunteered, I was forced. To which I said ‘fuck this bullshit, stupid ass morons’, but only in my head, out laud I said ‘ok’. And the madness began. This was not an overflow assist, my phone was ringing none stop. Which means people who were supposed to be picking up the phones were understaffed, poorly managed, or brain dead. Either way something was not quite right. And I sincerely delivered my findings to their most senior-est supervisor. To which he sent me an email which pretty much read ‘I don’t care, keep answering the phone’. To which I got really upset, mad, and then just unplugged my phone completely. And then one day this same management couldn’t get hold of me, hint: the unplugged phone, so we bargained. I would start answering their calls, and they would take me off the overflow assist system.
Flash-forward, current times. Same phone and customer service issues. We solve it by implementing the same exact overflow calls assist system. And we put me on it. Again. DAFAQ. Admittedly I am good on the phone, and I don’t mind doing it for the most part because you get to talk to the strangest people, and feel better about how normal you actually are. Problem is I’m expected to be doing this on top of my regular work shit. And you might start understanding my
hatred toward human kind frustration. So I decided fuck it, if they want me answering the calls, I’ll answer the calls. And we actually get phone statistics, and I answered 157 calls on Monday alone, probably more on each of the following days.
You know that feeling of hatred that starts growing as a tiny seed of dissatisfaction, and then turns into an all-consuming aggression, and then takes a complete 360 degrees turn, and becomes a cool, and patient revenge. Like Monte Cristo style. Yeah, that. Like my head was splitting so badly after a few days, I came home one night and just sat staring into an open window until it was time to go to sleep. Like I felt I now understood pure evil.
Ok, ok I get. All my statements are grossly exaggerated. But sarcasm and exaggeration is what I do. During my free time. When I’m not answering phone calls.
I apologize if this post was not much entertaining. It was not an entreating week for me. In conclusion, screw people, customer service, call centers, and management. And also inspirational quotes because God I hate those.