Office Dweller

So, I was hanging out with my Wednesday Friend yesterday. Yes, because it was a Wednesday. But we also have plans to be hanging out this Saturday, so there’s a scandal for you.

Yesterday was the first truly warm day. And it felt so nice to be getting reading in the morning, and not having to think about multiple layers of clothing, and attempting to somewhat coordinate them together. After putting on just bottoms and a top, I got that happy, tingling feeling ‘and….I’m done!’ It was magic. More like changing weather patterns, but might as well be magic to me.

 

Anyway, my Wednesday Friend doesn’t work in an office setting, and sometime she tells me how she looks up to me with my responsible, office job. And sometimes I too look up to me with my responsible, office job, and sometimes I just burst into hysterical laughter, right into her face.

 

Because here’s what everybody thinks, but doesn’t say about their office job:

 

  • Dress code is a pain in the ass. Because you need to have a whole set of clothes-you-can-never-wear-anywhere-else. Because I seriously doubt your ability to go camping in that pencil skirt. Also, how come it’s never comfortable? I imagine designer just saying ‘well this person will be discussing bad debt reserves, why the hell would she need comfort.’

 

  • Cubicles. I hate cubicles. But more than I hate cubicles, I hate people who start decorating their cubicles and giving it a homey touch. Just don’t.

 

  •  Shared bathrooms. I think I speak for many now, but you are not allowed to make #2 in your office restroom. Because that’s not professional. Farting is also not professional. So what you do, is you hold it in for 8 hours straight, and then have an absolute flatulence party at home.

 

  • Seeing the same people every day. Which is fine most of the time. You start liking some of them, hating others, but you get used to it all. Except for certain days, when you just sit there thinking ‘Dear Lord, please make stabbing other people legal…’

 

  • Also, how come when someone is making absolutely no sense instead of saying ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ you need to say ‘I’m sorry, could you reiterate that?’

 

  • Small talk. I’m just not good at it, even in real life. I learned all the phrases, I know how to do them ‘How was your weekend?’ ‘How was your son’s tennis game?’ ‘Hey, are you all packed for that vacation yet?’ Call me crazy, but I just don’t give a fuck. Unless it’s a funny story where somebody gets hurt, then we can totally small talk the shit out of that topic.

 

  • And I swear to you, I just got this email: ‘I have not got any update from the payer. I have contacted them again to get an update on this. I will update you once I get an update on this.’ To which I just had to respond ‘Thank you for the update

 

But life is beautiful (most days), office dweller or not, I hope you remember that.

P.S. Notice my use of bullet points in this post. The office told me to do it.

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