Living forever 

So I was talking to my friend the other day, and her birthday is coming up, and like a normal person I asked what she would like for her birthday. To which she said she already has everything she needs (aw), and only wants to be forever young (wait, what). And that kind of explains why she’s my friend.

But it got me thinking: being forever young, would mean being forever alive, which in return suggests eternal life. A very ambitious wish, but is it really a good one?

I think it’s shit and here’s why:

Endless mortgages. I mean of you live eternally, hopefully you live in a house. And as a responsible citizen of eternity you will probably attempt to own  property at one point or another. It’s just a sensible thing to do, I mean just ask your eternal neighbors. Would you like to stay forever in debt to your local and/or federal government? I don’t think so.

Dentist appointments. Enough said.

Standing in lines. I mean the amount of time you would have to spend standing in lines would be ridiculous. Even if you go all extreme and avoided any type of public activity, you would still need to update your identity AT LEAST every 100 years. That trip to DMV is not going to make itself.

Speaking of government agencies: public laws and regulations. Wouldn’t you loose track of those at some point in eternity? Like when did they ban peeing in the bushes again? Getting my centuries mixed up. (side note: I’d probably get arrested every day, also probably for public peeing).

Having to deal with back pimples. This is just something that’s on my mind right now because of this goddamn heat. It’s also disgusting, never mind.

Keeping up with technology. Like I haven’t upgraded my phone in two years all because the icons are in my favorite spots. Give me another hundred years and I’ll be poking at people to get their attention, WITH my iPhone 7 plus.

Keeping track of presidents. I mean, at which point do you just go ‘you know, that guy’. I do this anyway, so this might not be such a valid argument.

Can you imagine how much time you would have to spend looking for parking? Fucking eternity.

Shaving legs. I don’t care how much happiness this eternal life nonsense promises, shaving legs is a bitch. Granted, there is also laser hair removal, which is both expansive and also not permanent (I mean who knows where I’m getting my funds from in this eternal life scenario).

Speaking of which, where AM I getting my funds from? Do I get like one job for the whole eternity, or is this system of flexible social mobility? I’m not even getting into the subject of child bearing. I mean whose going to bring that emotional baggage to an eternal party.

And finally laundry, and working out. Those are the absolute deal breakers.

What I’m trying to say is let’s appreciate what we have, and let’s age gracefully, or however one can manage. I mean, certain genes are just better than others. Let’s age and die like the nature intended, and pass on those mortgage payments onto our children. Also, stay positive and in the moment. Also, world peace. This is as much positivity as one paragraph can handle.


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