If you need a reason to drink: I have 3

So lately, the predominant topic of conversation for me and my friends has been THE weight gain. Holidays happened to us, and now by the end of January we’re all paying for it. Somehow the festive spirit spared nobody, and generously gifted those extra lbs into our thighs and faces. And the conversations usually sound as such ‘Hey, how’s everything? So, how much did you gain?’ And then you’re usually either a little bit happier or a lot more sadder, depending if they’re number is higher or lower than yours. And then you predictably start swapping latest workout routines, starving techniques, and seriously considering that liposuction surgery again. If that sounds just about right, I have little reassurance to give you as I would very much appreciate some myself. As I sometimes find myself wishing for a fairy godmother to appear and be like: don’t worry little, fat one – here’s a magic fridge that will be forever empty after 6. Cinderella had it all wrong with her wish and the ball.


Anyway, we do still have couple of cold months ahead of us. Which means couple of more months of pointless reassurance on how you’ll lose it all. But let’s not be negative. Let’s wish for that godmother to appear because now would be the time.


Another topic of disappointment for a lot of people is probably the New Year’s resolution list. Because if you were stupid enough to make one, you’ve probably hit some serious disappointments by now. Or as somebody wise would put it – realistic obstacles to unrealistic expectations (I just came up with that. I must be wise. Or really good at creating excuses). But if you really thought you’ll commit to the gym, quit smoking, adopt a legless puppy, or become a better person all together, you can stop thinking that. I’m not trying to be negative I just think you’re perfect the way you are, and all you need to do is accept yourself exactly the way you are. I’m saying this because I think I’m pretty damn perfect, and I learned to accept that (except the extra pounds, I’m not accepting those).


If this wasn’t enough to cheer you up, we’re heading into the month of February. Which is by far the worst month ever. The weather is usually the worst (at least in New York), streets are lined with mountains of snow dirt. There aren’t any good Holidays. Don’t even mention Valentine’s Day, which only vomits red, heart-shaped confetti all over the place, with a side effect of overpriced flowers and increased suicidal thoughts in single people. And I’m happily in a relationship and just said that. There’s Super bowl, which is some type of big play offs in American football that nobody else in the world cares about, including myself. And then there’s Oscar’s on Feb 28th that I do look forward to, but it’s all the way toward the end like a much deserved prize for making it through this month. Hell, February itself knows it’s the worst month ever because it’s shorter than any other ones.


But hey, it’s Friday and if you processed all the information above – now’s the time to get hammered. Do skip dinner, however, and save those calories for alcohol.


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