I paints

Remember them assholes at McSweeney’s who rejected my article? Well, they’re not assholes at all. As a fellow blogger commented ‘congratulations on getting a rejection’. And these words resonated so perfectly, and it was sweet, and cool, and you should check out Chris at FreeThinkersAnonymous.


As I said in my previous post, I was planning to work on another submission and take my time, this time around (time and time, I know. I’m not fixing that. I’m a good writer though). It just so happened that I went and wrote them another piece the following day. And it might get rejected still, but I’m so proud of that motherF-ing baby. Like I could die happy now. Like I now probably understand the miracle of childbirth. And you know, rejected or not, you’ll still get to read it, so it’s a win-win situation. Like see, I’m a fucking optimist now, all of a sudden. Like I might start sending you inspiration quotes. Let’s not get crazy. That won’t ever happen.


I made a painting. Because I’m weird like that. I was looking at stuff on Instagram, and if you search hard enough you come across some really interesting characters. Oh, some backstory here first. Technically speaking I can draw. I’m not good with humans, or faces, or realistic depiction of life, but thanks god for Modern Art since you can just doddle things now. And thanks god for modern technology since you can just use stencils. I’m not sure if this still qualifies as art since you’re basically just coloring shapes, but who am I to say I’m not a goddamn Michelangelo.


So, as I was browsing through Instagram I saw a cool painting and it read ‘stencils and acrylic spray-paint’. And I was like ‘hey, that sounds like a perfectly reasonable waste of time for an adult, I want to try it’. And can I give a shout out to my significant other, he was totally cool with the idea. We went antique store shopping on Sunday. Because we’re both weird like that. And I bought a washing board from 1950s. And I’m laughing so hard right now because I can hear you thinking ‘Jesus Christ lady, how weird will it get?’ I am planning on hanging the washing board on my wall. That much weird.


As we were on our way driving from one store to the next, I went ‘hey, let’s go buy some paints’. And we did. We went to Michael’s, and I need you to know we were the only ones in the art supply store, buying art supplies. There was a huge line. With housewives holding decorative squashes, and silly-faced scarecrows. It must be fall yall. On our way home, I already had the whole painting figured out in my head. I wanted it to have yellow background. That was pretty much it. Once I had my yellow background, ideas came as I worked through it. And I put on the weirdest music I could find on my playlist, and it was glorious. I just sat crouched on the floor, with pounding music around me, deciding which circle thingy I want draw next.


Then my significant other peeled me away from the floor for dinner, and put on a movie. And it was a seriously good movie about 2008 market crash, The Big Short. But all that ignorant magic I was in, a moment ago, vanished. I was getting mad about economy, politics, bureaucracies,  inefficiencies, and necessity of all of the above. And all I can tell you is do watch the movie, but not after working on a stencil painting. Some solid advice if you ask me.


And why of course, here it is.


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11 thoughts on “I paints

  1. I love you, you know? Even though I hate rejections, they’re a sign that I at least put myself out there. That’s a lesson that was a long time coming.

    1. I love you more, and I can prove it. If/when this piece gets rejected it automatically becomes a guest post for you. Recycle bitches.

  2. Ah, modern art. I love that you can create something so fantastic and you don’t have to be psychotic like Jackson Pollock or suicidally depressed like Mark Rothko.
    All you need is an antique store, an art supply place, and weird music.
    And you are a goddamn Michelangelo. You write, you paint, you’re highly educated about economics and know you’re Baroque when you’re out of Monet. How much more renaissance can you get?
    I hope the editors at McSweeney’s recognize that. If not you can still say you’re misunderstood–like Van Gogh.
    Christopher recently posted…First World Problems Require First World Solutions.My Profile

    1. Dude, I will find you, and gift you with my soul. Your words mean so much.

  3. I love it!! Also, just found your blog – it’s fantastic. People who reject your writing are silly.

  4. Hi there, thanks for visiting me at my place on the interweb – so glad you did. When I hopped on over to you – the title of this post caught my eye straight away.

    Oh my goodness – what you wrote really resonates with me. How many times has my poor husband got so lonely watching TV while I make art in my studio (sounds grand – it was the garage once upon a time 🙂 He has ‘peeled me off the floor’ many times and tried to entice me out with food .

    And the music to paint by – YES me too! There is nothing on earth so good as being totally lost in paint and music.

    You made me laugh about the squashes and scarecrows too – I don’t get ANY of that kind of craft – but what the hell, each to his/her own. I LOVE what you wrote here and very glad to find your blog too. Will be reading more for sure.

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