Holiday gift shopping solved

So it’s Holiday season in case you haven’t noticed frantic shopping people around you, and in case your office is not decorated in a stylish manner that classifies as ‘Christmas threw up here’ (hint: that’s what my office looks like), and in case you were able to tune out all the Christmas songs everywhere, which if you were – do share your secret for the sanity of human kind.

Also, I’ll be going away on vacation in about a week. Or actually one week and two days, but who’s counting. And my brain has been mostly going BAMBOLEO for the past two weeks. Which is weird because I don’t even speak Spanish. Anyway, it’s been hard even to keep up with the blog. Having said that, email attacks that I’ve been receiving lately with offers on the best possible gifts have inspired this.

Gift suggestions are for reals.
Personalized photo blanket – because wouldn’t you like to snuggle in your own face

6 Bottles of Premium Wine with 2 Glasses – I’ll take those, you can drop the glasses

Personalized Engraved Genuine Leather Wallet – because if you ever lose your wallet people will just use those engraved initials to find you. But seriously who engraves shit anymore, we’re not in 19th century.

Home-Delivered Meals with Farm-Fresh Ingredients – one question: who’s making these meals? Because the ad sort of emits that piece of information and I just hope it’s not Santa. Or his reindeers.

15 Bottles of Wine + Bonus Wine Thermometer – you had me at 6 bottles.

Digital Luggage Scale – that way you can put your cat in a bag and finally get an accurate measurement

Frozen Yogurt – maybe a gift that says I don’t like you that much

Magic After Hours w/ Noah Levine – with actual Magic. You know that idiot friend that everybody has in their life and could technically classify for this gift…

Archery Lesson – again that idiot friend…a lot of choices for one person

Elegant Scroll Signs – because when was the last time you elegantly signed your scrolls. Exactly. It’s been a while, time to upgrade

Nano Hercules R/C Helicopter – I would buy it for that word combination alone and the go ‘please be careful with my Nano Hercules Helicopter. It’s fragile.’

Aduro AQUA Sound Shower Speaker – to muffle out my shower singing? Never!

Multifunctional Laptop Stand – all depends on the options, man. Can it sing me to sleep while gently rubbing my back? Didn’t think so

Electric Back Hair Shaver – I just hope it looks like a saber and does laser sounds.

60” Infrared Fireplace – because once you’re done engraving your wallet and elegantly singing your scrolls, you can come back to this century

And I can do this all night. So, if you’re not done Holiday shopping yet, hope you find some inspiration here.

P.S. Quite possibly there will be a break in postings for a while unless of course my mind decides to change that goddamn tune. And if I don’t write to you in this one-way dialogue of ours – Happy Holidays, people.


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