If you ever wander how to spend your hard earned money…try googling ‘how to spend my hard earned money’. Which I actually did just now, and instead google gave me numerous suggestions on how to save my hard-earned money, along with a definition that ‘hard-earned money’ is money that you had to work hard to make. Which is not exactly helpful, Mr. Obvious, and is sort of exactly the opposite of what I was looking for. So, I’ve done some thinking.

A good way to spend your hard-earned money is to save it. In the larger scheme of things it would seem as a bright idea, but then saving sort of goes directly against the logic of spending. So this option is completely irrelevant.

Then, there is an option of paying your bills, which is not exactly an option and more like an obligation. And it’s nice and easy because this decision was made for you before you were even born. And it was decided by somebody, not exactly clear who. It’s as if it was designed and predestined by God himself. And these obligations have been around for so long and everybody got used to them so much that it would be a pity to get rid of such ancient traditions. Because as soon as you stray away from your traditions, you are more inclined to fall into bad company, get mixed up with drugs, and start worshipping devil. And your momma raised you better than that.

After you spend majority of your hard-earned money on obligations, calculated for you by a team of experts and specialists, you are free to choose from an array of selectable items. And these items were developed specifically in order to bring meaning, happiness, and fulfillment into your life. Developed also by experts, and specialists. And these are designer clothing items, diamond jewelry, automobile vehicles, various types of electronic devices, and other accessories not necessarily made out of precious metals, but equal in their price value. Aforementioned items are great for boosting spiritual morale, mostly for about an hour after the initial purchase, but also during times whenever somebody else looks at your possessions with an envious eye. Those are the moments.

If you’re a female, a considerable amount of your budget should be put away into looking as far away as possible from how you were created at birth. If your hair is curly you would want it straightened, if your skin is pale you would want it tanned, if your hair color is dark you would want it blond, if your boobs are small…you get the idea. It’s actually fairly simple, whatever you have now you just need to want the exact opposite. And if you spend enough money nothing will happen, but at least it will look like you made an effort.

Whatever hard-earned money you might have remaining should be spent on entertainment. Television can be classified as the ultimate and primary source of entertainment. It is also the source of encouragement and assurance that wanting and collecting things is the universal rule of existence. And as long as you’re doing what majority of other people are doing, you must be doing it right.

Happy spending.



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