Florida, Frank, First class

Ok, so this past weekend I went away to Florida for a few days. And the whole purpose of the trip was to show my pale body that sun is a very much tangible object. And we didn’t go to Miami nor Key West, we stayed right in the middle-  in Key Largo. And this choice turned out to be exactly brilliant. Because it was just resort, pool, beach, one hammock, three kayaks, two paddle boards, palm trees (number of which I don’t know), 12 beer cans, one beef jerky bag, one cheddar popcorn bag, about five apples, one significant other who was mine, two kids who were his, and some resort management people. Because they just work there.


Point is if you want to go somewhere nice and tropical, want to stay on US grounds, and not deal with dressed-up, fragrance-infused party people of Miami or hippie-loving, bummy-artists of Key West – go right in the middle, to one of the Keys. Life wisdom in a sentence. Also, we did end up visiting both Kew West and Miami. So that’s some well covered ground in one relaxing vacation. But I’m getting ahead of myself.


Firstly, there was Cirque Du Soleil Paramour show that we went to on Friday, tickets for which I bought us way in advance. And then there was a booked flight for 5 am Saturday because that’s just bad planning. But in all seriousness, the show was great. Getting home at 12 am and waking up at 2, not so great. Arguably, sleep deprivation is not something you complain about on your way to Florida. Also, I slept through the whole flight. With my mouth open. Which I totally caught myself doing. Not ashamed.


So then we arrived, started bitching about how hot it is, climbed into a rental car, and cranked up the AC. Because that’s why you travel to tropical places. But once we got to the resort it all made sense. And since they were super nice, and let us check in early I’ll mention the name Atlantic Bay Resort. And I mean it, loved everything about that place. Especially, the kayaks and paddle boards they had on premises that we got to use for free. Call me crazy, but I love free stuff. Also, I always wanted to try one of those paddle boards. It’s like a surf boards, but slightly bigger, and you stand on it, and paddle your way around. I am happy to report I got a hang of it.



What I am not happy to report is that Instagram does not have a filter to smooth away your leg cellulite completely. What the hell, Instagram? Fix it.


Also, I might have been rescue kayaked back to the shore by my special other. At some point, I felt invincible and swam pretty far out from the shoreline. And I was paying zero attention to wind directions and apparently you’re supposed to. Because at one point, no matter how hard I was paddling, I just kept drifting further away. So, I was all like ‘I’m done, somebody needs to come and rescue you me.’ And then my special other did. He towed me back to the shore on his kayak. And as I was sitting there, being towed, I thought that sports activities are really just a voluntary acts of increasing your chances of dying. Also, paddle boarding is still awesome. Just make sure you have somebody around to rescue you.


Next day we went to Key West. And it was great because the drive was pretty short. And Key West is one of my favorite places to visit. Not that I’m a pro traveler, and expert on the best places to visit, but we found a venue that was selling ice cream and beer. Very handy whilst traveling with children. Know what I mean? Also, it was a day on which I welcomed Frank into my life.


Isn’t he awesome? Also, I think I found my spirit animal. Also, don’t ask me how I came up with his name.


On the last day, our flight back was late at night. So we drove back to Miami, and decided  to spend a day there. And I have nothing special to report. If you’ve ever been, you know that it’s the place to go party. Also, it’s the place where people walk around in bathing suits and with crutches. Apparently.



We did take one of those citi bike rentals and rode along shoreline for a bit. To kill time mostly. And it was nice, I guess. I’m not sure because I was sweating profusely, and it was sort of interfering with the enjoyment part of the activity.


And then we flew back first class because my special other had miles to spare, and decided to splurge on us. And you know how that was? It was pretty goddamn nice. First of all, comfortable chairs in airplanes exist. I know! I had no idea too. It’s like they took all the comfort out of economy chairs and put them into first class chairs. Which if you’re sitting in one of them, seems pretty fair. Secondly, there IS such a thing as free alcohol, and snacks on short flights. There’s even a warm cookie. Not just a cookie. A fucking warm cookie. Because who eats their cookies cold. Poor people, I guess? The hardest part was to act cool through all of this, and not burst into a happy dance routine. I got pretty buzzed and fell asleep before that could happen.


So, a first class flight might have been the highlight of the whole trip. That and Frank. And paddle boarding (but not the part where I was kayak rescued).

How was your weekend? 😉

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