So this time I made it. I made it to the Chelsea Art Galleries on Thursday. Because there was a time, not so long ago, where I didn’t, and wrote about it here.
And here’s some neatly organized material that I prepared for you.
First off, try not to make it too obvious that you’re there primarily for the free alcohol. Meaning don’t drink at the first gallery you visit. Walk in, walk around, convince your head that art is your true interest and passion. Who knows it might actually work. Second gallery is fine, just don’t run to the alcohol stand right away. Make an honest walk through of the whole gallery, and just slowly edge yourself towards the pouring lady, with a face expression ‘this art you have here is incredible, I’m thinking of buying some or all of it.’ Once you have the drink, do a second walk through of the gallery, occasionally pausing and commenting on pieces, as if you have a clue. It helps if you speak foreign language because than you can just be talking pure gibberish. Once you’re done with the drink, walk away, don’t go for seconds. Who knows, maybe after a certain amount of drinks they force you to buy something. You don’t need that in your life.
Expect some of the things on display to be garbage. Sometimes in a literal sense, if you’re dealing with modern art. It helps to understand that not getting certain works of art is acceptable. It is still mostly not socially acceptable to yell out loud ‘what the fuck is this’, but you can use your inner voice. Or again, that foreign language will come in handy here, as well. Just so you understand, out of the 8 galleries that we visited, we saw only 2 artists that had their shit together. Meaning, they created something that didn’t make your eyes bleed with regret. And yes, everything else did make your eyes bleed, and it’s ok to admit this. As long as you do it in a polite way, and gently wipe away those blood tears with a hankie. Be a lady.
Fun fact, if you still feel that complete disconnected with art and all things related, still go. Go to people watch. Because the most bizarre and random people visit. And if you have a reasonable sense of humor, and would describe yourself as psychologically stable, it’s the most fun activity to be a part of. And I wasn’t the only one with this idea. Some visitors were taking pictures of other visitors. It was like a zoo only with less animals, and more drunken people.
In conclusion, a llama haiku:
I saw a llama once
It had sad twinkle in the eye
It was scratching a lottery ticket
Why? Because that’s what the #BloggessTribe did on twitter today. We wrote llama haiku. How was your weekend?
P.S.S In addition, don’t forget to check out my serious, and responsible counterparts at artsy.net for more info, bio, and ability to buy this amazing art!