Babies don’t like alcohol and interior design

Ok, status update.


Below is the email I got from my sister because we’re cool like that and communicate via email (inappropriate remarks in parenthesis are from me):


So, my pregnancy app asks me to write some memories once in a while (of course there is an app for that). Today it asked about grandparents. I’m sharing this with you.

The grandparents are over the moon excited!!! [So, the first thought in my head was: what is she talking about, our grandparents are dead. Well good thing I kept this to myself (well sort of) because then I realized she meant our parents that are to become grandparents (and those are alive) and that makes sense and is not as awkward as talking about dead relatives.]


They’ve been wanting  [for whatever reason auto correct was suggesting I change this to ‘They’ve been WANTED’. I am dead serious. Do you know something about my parents that I don’t, auto correct?] a grandchild for a long time, and this will be their first!


My mom, the kind and sentimental soul, seems to have expanded her ever-present motherly love even more; and I can feel how her love has ripened to welcome another very important family member. [even a sarcastic asshole as me won’t ruin this sentence. See, nice things exist in life.]


My dad was like a little boy with a new toy and couldn’t wait till the end of the first trimester, when we decided we’ll reveal the big news to everyone. [Well, this one is like a little boy with anything really: demanding, and capricious, and stubborn and we love him very much and sometimes treat him as adult. Don’t worry his English is bad and I can totally get away with this.]


My sister, who’s not the one to show a lot of sentimental emotions [sarcastic asshole], admitted in her online blog that she gets giddy with excitement at the thought [this totally happened and I wrote about it here ]


Besides feeling super excited myself, the reactions and positive emotions of the people I love make me even happier and make me smile [in case you were wandering, yes my sister is blond]. We feel blessed for finally having our very own little bundle of joy! [excuse me for pointing out the obvious, but is this the most cliché phrase ever or what.] We can’t wait to welcome our special little project into the world [now this is better. Somebody got down to some DIY late at night], but of course, we want him or her to take time inside mommy’s tummy and fully develop [ya, we should definitely let it do it’s thing]. It will give us time to prepare for the great entrance [that baby is arriving in style, bitches], because we learned that an apartment of two grown-ups is very anti-baby [good bye alcoholic beverages] that many items of interior design need to be substituted for something much safer and softer [oh, she meant that].

So, what we learned here is that my parents are alive, I’m a sarcastic asshole, my sister is blond, and babies need to develop.

P.S. Here’s a slightly inappropriate picture images

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