Babies as human dumbbells, and other healthy tips

So I’ve been sitting on a ball for the past two weeks, and I wrote about this idea here. And it mostly feels like sitting on a ball, really. The most strain you feel is on your lower back. Because there is nothing to support it, people. So it has to support itself. And I tell you that feels unfamiliar in the very least. In other words, I think it’s improving my posture. That thing that I might, or might not, have had prior to becoming the office dweller. So even if I won’t lose any weight from this  ball sitting ordeal at least I’ll be a fattie with a nice posture. Like a proud fattie. Also, something is stirring in my upper thighs. Especially, when I walk up a flight of stairs. It definitely feels like some muscles might have been discovered in the legs portion of my body. I still have a bunch of people making jokes and comments at the office, so there’s that. Also, fuck haters. And certain days I feel stupid, and not inspired to be ball sitting at all. But then other days I show off my ball proudly, and even bounce on it a little. Overall verdict: not enough scientific data to arrive at conclusive conclusions.

I went to visit my niece yesterday. And she’s cool. She’s a baby doing her thing. Or rather as my sister informed me, she’s a toddler now. It’s a proud moment in our family. Raising a human being to the status of a toddler. But what I also discovered that apart from being a toddler, she’s also an excellent human dumbbell. The way this works is you just hold the baby/toddler (whatever you can get your hands on) and move around with it. The baby is enjoying the ride, while you’re getting your daily workout minimum. It’s a win win situation. Disclaimer: probably stick to the babies of the people you actually know and/or your own. Because you don’t know where that unfamiliar baby has been. Also, there might be some legal repercussions.

Ball, or baby related, or both, or none of these at all, I have decided to go on a juice cleanse. Which officially is a 3 day juice cleanse but since weekend is about to start, for me this might be a ‘1 day and a half, plus fuck you juice cleanse’ cleanse. So I have a few helpful tips, since we’re those people now. And also because after just one day, I lost 1.5lb. So, you should probably listen. It says to prepare your body a few days in advance and eliminate caffeine/nicotine/alcohol from your daily routine. To which in my head I immediately went ‘HAHAHAHA. Not happening.’  I mean, the repercussions of me not on caffeine/nicotine/alcohol might have some serious side effects, including a chance of a sudden death. I’m not willing to take that risk. Also, I’m happy to report that you can keep your bad habits while starting the healthy ones. They’ll do just fine, who knows maybe they’ll become best friends someday.

Another important factor that prevented me from juicing my juices before, was the cleanup process. It takes a good bunch of ingredients to make just a glassful, but you still have to take apart your machine, and clean it, and put it away, and it’s goddamn annoying. So what I did is I made a batch of juices for morning, lunch, dinner the night before. And that way it was still annoying, but in a smaller magnitude. Don’t plan any strenuous activities on these cleansing days because you’ll be mostly really sad. Because you’re so damn hungry. Also, try not to be around good smelling food because see above, it will make you really sad.

Also, acquire the taste for juices prior to going on a full blown cleanse. Meaning have just a glass once in a while with your human, solid food. Because if you try it for the first time, it will taste like grass, celery, and misery. Only after a good amount of self-convincing, and brain washing you begin thinking’ Well, this is great. So much vitamins and goodness.’ You’ve been warned.

Also, do note: half a meatball stuffed in your face using your fingers, while nobody is looking, while visiting your mom won’t affect your 1.5lb weight loss. So go ahead indulge.

And although still hungry and sad, my spirits are lifting since I’m soon to transition into my ‘fuck you, juice cleanse’ portion of the juice cleanse.

So cheers.

Spread the love

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge